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I Do!

Updated: Jul 11, 2023

Hello all! So very lovely to be reaching out to you again – finally! From what I’ve been hearing from some of you, I know you’ve missed me and it feels rather delicious to feel so appreciated and know that you’ve been longing for my words…and perhaps maybe some other sensual delights as well…


I’ve been out of the country for the past few months on my annual pilgrimage to India. I added Thailand into the mix this year, too, which was quite beautiful and just a wonderful experience all around. More exciting, however, is that this year my spiritual pilgrimage took on much more profound meaning and beauty, as I said vows to the man I love and have committed to spend my life with him (!!!). He asked and I said YES!!! And I absolutely could not be happier. I had no idea that I would take to marriage so beautifully, but it feels so natural and nourishing and supportive. Of course it helps that I have the most amazing partner ever! His personality and demeanor compliments mine in ways I never imagined possible. It just feels so right – in so many ways. And I am unbelievably excited about my future with him! Don't you worry though - I am not going anywhere! This is most certainly not a goodbye post. Read on...


Now I must admit that it feels a bit strange to share this part of myself in this forum, but it also feels really right to do so, as part of what is so important to me here is to take risks with myself, to challenge our restrictive and repressive societal paradigms and norms, and to open up important conversations about how we relate to each other as women and men – and how we work with the feminine and masculine energies we are each comprised of.

 

I feel quite called to analyze and pick apart the unhealthy (and healthy!) masculine and feminine qualities that have been passed down to us through the generations and that we have all (unfortunately) embodied in one way or another – especially surrounding monogamy, how we seek out and experience sexual pleasure, and what we expect of a partner, both consciously and unconsciously.

 

Committing the rest of my life to my beloved certainly brings much of these energies and patterns front and center to look at and work with – and I would say even more so (or at least much, much faster!) given my chosen profession and the fact that I continue to love what I do and have no intentions of ending it any time soon. So right off the bat I am working with some very unique and interesting challenges that most newly-weds do not have to navigate. For better or for worse!


That being said, I feel confident in this process and thoroughly inspired to move forward, as I believe I have found my true life-partner and that working through all of these challenges will be sooo worth it and I will be fulfilled beyond my wildest dreams. And I am bringing y’all along for the ride! Well, some of it anyway. :)


This is so interesting – I sat down to this post to share about something completely different, but apparently this is what needs to be shared right now and

 

I trust The Universe and the inner guidance I am receiving.

 

This is rich territory to be delving into and new topics to explore are opening up for me daily as I navigate this new role and attempt to bring all the parts of myself together in a way that honors my truth and keeps me standing strong in my power and integrity. It feels quite glorious actually as I learn new aspects of myself and how to communicate them to the important people in my life – and that includes you all! As always, I am so grateful for your part in my life and thrilled to be sharing this with you. And in case you are wondering – yes, my current career path is fully supported by my husband!


That doesn’t mean it has been without challenges of course. But, again, that is what I am excited to be exploring and sharing about here with you all,

 

as the challenges we run into are things that seem relevant to so many of us as we attempt to navigate intimate relationships and connections with each other in this sexually-repressed, Christian-based, monogamy-centric, shame-based society (yes, I am talking about this again!).

 

The conditioning runs deep regardless if we grew up in a Christian household or not. Our society is founded on Christian values and morals that have profoundly influenced our expression and our way of relating with ourselves and with each other. The further along this path that I go, the greater my awareness of just how complex and subtle these influences are. More things continue to surface. And my new commitment is seriously stirring it all up – in a very powerful way.


So long as things remain hidden and unconscious, one cannot work with them, so I consider this opportunity a great blessing as it is helping me to go deeper into the complexities and nuances –

 

and I have been experiencing great freedom as I continue to put in the effort to understand where many of these long-held beliefs about monogamy, about seeking and receiving and enjoying pleasure, and about what it means to commit to a partner stem from.

 

When I start picking them apart, it doesn’t take long to discover that these beliefs are not based in reality. The majority of us have accepted and taken on a bunch of constructs that simply have no truth to them. One horrible lie that has been perpetuated is that receiving pleasure from one person affects the emotional connection one has to another person. Such as – if I receive pleasure from you, then it means I love my husband less. Somehow my capacity to love my husband and maintain the depth of my connection with him is greatly diminished if I experience pleasure with you. This just simply is not true. And quite the contrary actually – my appreciation for him and what we share is enhanced when my world remains rich and diversified with interactions and connections with others.

 

I believe us humans are capable of so much more love and pleasure than we allow ourselves.

 

And I am finding it amazingly beneficial to dive into some of these unconscious belief systems that ultimately only serve to keep us in fear of losing love, for that is what it came down to when my beloved and I started diving into the heart of the matter. I had a fear that I wouldn’t be accepted for how I choose to share my energy with others and that, in order to keep the love of my husband, I might need to let go of my sensual self-expression and interactions with others. And that ultimately felt extremely repressed and restrictive – I knew that I could not be true to myself in that situation for too long before things started going sideways and resentments grew. For him, the concern was that if I experienced pleasure and connection with others, perhaps I wouldn’t have enough energy for him – that somehow my love for him would change or go away and that I only had so much caring and affection to go around. Those fears were pretty big for both of us, but we care enough about each other and what we share to explore them with each other and work through them. We have both had to take really big risks with each other and open ourselves up to what our minds and egos felt so threatened by.


It has been a powerful exploration and is leading to a very deep connection and understanding of each other – and of ourselves.

 

The appreciation we have for each other is growing more and more every day as we peel back the layers of the societally-sanctioned expectations that have been heaped upon us throughout our entire lifetimes – expectations that are unrealistic, extremely restrictive, soul-crushing, isolating, and painful.

 

They leave no room for creativity and strip us of our power to express our own unique individuality and way of expressing love. I know there is a different way that we can be relating to each other - a way that is more healthy, more fulfilling, and more in alignment with our true nature - a way that stems from love and not from fear. I will continue on my quest to support that healthier way of relating and am grateful to have this format from which to do so.


So that is just a little bit of what I have been up to. It has been an inspiring adventure and I really am so excited to be sharing about it all with you. My hope is that it inspires and challenges us to explore more of our expectations and our roles surrounding relationships and where the idea of monogamy comes from. Is it truly natural for us or is it a learned behavior? What are the beliefs surrounding that particular structure and what lies beneath those beliefs? Is there actual truth in some these beliefs that we hold so dear? What might happen if we loosened up some of those beliefs and started asking more questions about what is realistic for us? Does experiencing pleasure with one person truly hinder our ability to love another? Are we having these important conversations with our partners? What is the price we are paying for NOT having these conversations?

 

What might happen if we started more openly embracing our sensual expression and our very real need for being accepted in our sensual expression?

 

Such a rich exploration! Again, I am so happy to be sharing. I look forward to further conversations with you as these blog posts have indeed inspired some very thoughtful interactions and conversations with many of you. I love hearing what they spark for you and how they speak to you. So thank you so much for reading and being a part of this exciting journey! Feel free to leave comments or ask questions below. And keep an eye out for some new creative and sensual expressions that I have in the works. I have been unbelievably inspired by this huge shift in my life – it is amazing what happens with the support of an amazing life-partner. Creative juices are flowing and I am called to new and exciting ways to engage with you all. Stay tuned!!!


And as always, much love to you all in your journey!


Xo ~ Star


POST SCRIPT: I’ve thought long and hard about whether or not to share this with you all, as it is difficult for me to gauge how it might be received and I normally, believe it or not, tend to be a rather private person, especially where my personal life is concerned. In the end though, it does feel beneficial to share my experience and I do pray that it helps to open things up for people. I have never lived my life conventionally and have spent too much time hiding myself in the shadows. I’m feeling pretty over it and am embracing my unconventionality! I am also happy to be doing my part to support the breakdown of these old repressive systems that are no longer serving us.



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