Like the title - this is a long one, sexy lover, but well worth your time if you can hold out for me...
Some very sexy practices to enhance sensual and sexual experience are in store for you!
Ever since I started on my spiritual path, I have been most drawn to working with the energetics of our experience. Everything is made up of energy – our entire reality! Our bodies, minds, spirits, our planet, The Universe – everything – ALL energy. Yogis have known this for thousands of years and Western science is finally starting to catch up with this understanding as well. Quantum physics is seriously opening things up for us and helping us relate to our world in a much different way. It is also helping us to understand just precisely how much influence we actually have over our world – how we create our own reality with our thoughts and actions. We do this at the individual level and the collective level.
The old Newtonian physics that had us experiencing ourselves as very separate from a basically dead, objective (and meaningless) universe is quickly being replaced by new understandings of our reality – new understandings that show how intricately connected everything truly is – and how absolutely alive it all truly is. It is all alive with sound, vibration, frequency – all energy! It is all one continuous, unified field that is actually quite subjective, malleable, ever-expanding, and co-creating with us. Once we start seriously embracing this, we start to have an entirely different experience of our reality – we get to start choosing how we experience our life and how we want to relate to it. We are no longer at the whim of a reality that we somehow accidentally found ourselves placed in.
We start to recognize that we are in fact the creators of our reality, as we start to recognize that we are in fact one with Source. There is no separation. There is no God over there and we are over here – it is all one unified field – one field of frequency. As we start to take control of our own vibration and frequency (our energy) – we get to decide what frequency we want to vibrate at. Low-vibe, dense frequencies are those of fear, stagnation, forcefulness, guilt, anger, scarcity, frustration, disease, shame, separation, etc. High-vibe frequencies are those of love, joy, abundance, ease, flow, allowing, serenity, peace, bliss, unity, health in the body.
This physical 3D world that we are in tends to be permeated with denser frequencies, hence our tendency to be living a more fear-based existence for the most part – fear of things either happening or not happening to us. We feel isolated and separate from Source. We are in lack- and scarcity-mentality and believe we have to compete or fight for resources and to get our needs met; we believe we have to work very hard to get what we need and to accomplish anything; we feel at the mercy of life – a victim of so many circumstances that are way beyond our control. Much of our worldly experience revolves around this. At an individual level and at a collective level.
When we start moving out of this heavier, denser way of being – when we start elevating our frequency – we start experiencing more ease and flow in our lives; we no longer feel separate from our fellows and from our environment – we experience unity; we experience greater feelings of love, peace, joy and harmony; our bodies become healthier and we have more vitality, more energy flowing through; we start to understand that we are co-creators of our lived experience – we move out of victim mentality. We start relating to our reality from a place of confidence and empowerment. We start playing with all of the possibilities. We allow a benevolent Universe to align us with the life of our dreams. Truly!
So just how do we change our frequency? How do we move out of this experience of density?
When I first started on my spiritual path, I was extremely fortunate to discover an amazing woman teacher in town whose teachings were based on the authentic Tantric traditions of Kashmir Shaivism and Dzogchen Buddhism. It was here that I started learning Tantric philosophy and started understanding how everything is made up of energy – and through engaging daily with various energetic practices (mantra, kriya yoga, Ayurveda, pranayama (breath work), asana (yogic postures), visualization, meditation, mind control techniques, etc.) I could drastically change the nature of my lived experience, which, up until that point, had been one of struggle and strife.
I’ll not get into all the details here and now, but I had a history of drug and alcohol abuse, health issues, depression, stress, lethargy, anger, loneliness, unhealthy relationships, feeling like the world was out to get me, total lack-mentality and scarcity-consciousness, totally not in control of my life, stuck in situations that weren’t fulfilling and nourishing – just pretty much a mess really. Having been put up for adoption at birth, I suffered horribly with abandonment issues, huge insecurities (why didn’t my mother want me?), lots of anger, difficulty bonding with others, and just really sad and emotional – hence the drugs and alcohol to help ease the pain. And I definitely felt a victim of all of my life circumstances. I was definitely not living a life of ease, joy, peace, love, passion and serenity!
Cue sobriety. Cue spiritual path. Cue energy practices!
Like I said previously, we are made of energy. Everything is made of energy. All of that pain and suffering that I was living in was, in essence, very dense, heavy, stuck, stagnant energy in my physical, emotional, mental and energetic layers of my body. All of the heavy emotions get trapped in our physical body. When we are spinning out in stress, anxiety and fear – this is energy that is stuck in our minds – and our bodies too. These heavy, dense energies are what lead to dis-ease in the body, as they get trapped in our organs and tissues. This also leads to mental anguish, emotional turmoil, and unhealthy relationship patterns.
I liken this energetic experience to a garden hose – when it gets a kink in it, the water backs up either blocking the flow or possibly exploding to ease the pressure; when the hose is open and flowing, water moves through unhindered – all is well! This is how our energy body works – when we are all kinked and blocked up, our lived experience is one of turmoil, discomfort, stress and disease. When our energy is flowing, we experience harmony, peace, health, and ease.
All of the energy practices that I was learning and incorporating into my daily practice started to have profound effects on me. The purpose of all of these practices is to start opening up the flow. To remove the blockages from our energy body (which is what our physical body manifests out of), to clear the stagnation, to get things moving properly. All of these practices clear out the heavy, dense energies and open us up to higher vibration energies and frequencies. They open us up to that greater ease, harmony, love, health and flow. And they do so in a very profound way!
The further I went along my path, the more profound my experience of change and transformation. Removing so many blockages drastically changed my experience. I started experiencing the world in a very different way. No longer was I the victim of a world out to get me – I started experiencing the world as benevolent, caring, loving and extremely supportive. My heart started opening and I started feeling more connected to everything around me – the environment, people, Source, my body, my sexuality, my dreams and desires. Everything started blossoming and expanding.
Relationships both drastically improved and some fell away as necessary. My health greatly improved. And, most importantly, I started loving and caring for myself in way I had never been able to do before. So many of us have such a hard time with this one and I truly believe that if we all truly loved ourselves for showing up just how we are – without feeling the need to change to fit in, to be successful, to be loved, to feel cared for, to feel worthy, to feel sexy and sensual – this world would be a very different place. For me, this self-love and self-worth – the confidence and courage to truly be ourselves in a society that is doing everything it can to shove into tiny little cookie-cutter boxes – this is paramount.
This is probably the most powerful thing I have gained from all of my spiritual practice – the courage and confidence to be me and to live my life as I desire – as I dream it to be. And having the absolute confidence and trust that The Universe supports me 100% to have everything I desire and to live a life of love, abundance, fun, adventure, travel, health, connection, and sooo much gorgeous sensuality.
This is the beauty of engaging with our lived experience from the understanding that all is energy and, as such, we have absolute control of how we get to work with it. Once we understand the basics and start implementing even the simplest practices – things start reorganizing themselves for us in super powerful ways. I’ve seen it time and time again. We seriously do have so much control of our experience – once we decide to take control.
And what the heck does all of this have to do with sensuality and our sexual expression? I started off saying that I was going to share a number of ways we can enhance our sexual and sensual pleasure – and then went off on a huge discussion about energy!
Well, yes, precisely! Since everything is energy, that “everything” includes sexuality – our sexual energy – which is potentially thee most powerful energy in our experience. It is where life comes from! It is a HUGE force in our Universe. As discussed in my last blog post, our entire reality is made of up of the dance of the masculine (Shiva) and the feminine (Shakti) energies separating (they never really separate!) and coming back together again. This is a very sexual energy. We could say that everything is that sexual energy. And when we learn to work with that energy in a more intentional way, we are going to drastically change our experience of it.
When we start to incorporate some very simple energy practices and apply them to our sexual experiences, we start having an expanded experience of our sexual energy - and so much more! You remember the kinked hose I mentioned previously – this tends to be the experience of our sexuality. It gets stuck in our genital area (or stuck in our insecure, anxious, stressed-out minds!) and our sensual pleasure can be rather limited and isolated to this area of the body – when in actuality, the potential of this energy to totally consume our entire body and rocket us into other dimensions and spiritual experiences is absolutely mind-blowing! Again, this is the energy of the cosmos – the energy that creates life! – moving through our physical, emotional, mental, and energetic bodies – and the majority of us have just barely scratched the surface of what is possible with it.
When we apply a few simple energetic practices to our kinked hoses, we open them up to start allowing a greater free flow of this powerful energy to encompass all of us – body, mind, and spirit. This is a very personal journey for each of us to embark on and there are a number of ways that this expanded energy might show up for you, though it is best to enter in with an open mind. It is best to not enter in with too many expectations because we cannot force an outcome here and it is easy to get hyper-focused (and lost) on trying to create a certain experience for ourselves. The whole idea of opening the flow of our sexual energy is to release our grip, not tighten it! Expectation creates restriction and is totally counter-productive!
That being said, one thing I have experienced at the physical level, and have seen others experience, is enhanced sensation and a fuller experience of sensual pleasure. As we open our focus and spread the energy out from the genitals, we open the potential for what some have referred to as a “full-body orgasm.” This can be a very heightened or a more subtle experience of our sexual energy moving throughout our body before, during and after an experience of orgasm. As such, this lends itself to a longer experience of said orgasm, as well as the potential to experience more than one orgasm.
I also must add here that this newer, expanded experience of orgasmic/sexual energy can easily be accompanied by deeper feelings of connection and union – not only with yourself and/or your partner/beloved, but with The Divine, The Cosmos, The Universe. There can be a heightened experience of spiritual connection as we open up to a more expansive experience of our sexual energy – for, again, as already discussed, this energy is all about the Ultimate Union with The Beloved.
This is how, for me, sexuality and spirituality have always been deeply intertwined – even before I knew anything about spirituality or had any of this terminology, my experience of sexuality was, at times, one of deep communion with The Beloved, my way of touching God – God here in physical form. I remember very clearly a few one-night-stands that were profound experiences of connecting with The Divine. I remember wondering if my partner was having the same profound experience, but felt self-conscious asking – I didn’t want to sound weird and freak this person out with the level of love that I was feeling – with a total stranger. I didn’t think that I was ‘in love’ with that particular person, I was just so overcome with feelings of love and bliss and connection in the experience of Union. That type of love needs no object!
As I continue to open up and expand my energy, I continue to have similar experiences of cosmic connection and union. Absolutely sublime!
Okay – so now, if you have made it this far dear reader, let us look at a few of those simple practices we can start incorporating into our lives and our sexual experiences.
[In case you hadn’t noticed, I adore writing and communicating, and I never quite know where I am going when I sit down to write, so thanks for coming on this journey with me. I appreciate you!!! And, yes, writing a book is sure to be in my future!]
SEXUAL ENERGY PRACTICES
Most people tend to have a great deal of tension in their pelvic regions for all sorts of reasons that I’m not going to get into right now – we’ll save that for another post (making note right now!). We need to open up the area, release the tension, allow for flow. All of these practices can be practiced alone or during sensual encounters with your Beloved. If practicing them with a partner, you can certainly let them know what you are doing ahead of time and invite them to join you for a really powerful experience. When both parties are working to expand their sexual energy, powerful things can happen!!!
PELVIC BREATH: This is an excellent place to start if you are new to breath-work. The purpose of this breath is, as mentioned above, to release tension, open up the pelvic region, and allow for more energy to flow through. More energy flow opens us up to greater sensation and, as we start opening to greater energy flow, we open to greater ability to control our sexual energy - improving stamina and ability to last longer, allowing a deeper experience with our partner..
Place your awareness on your pelvic region, both external and internal – your lingam (sacred term for penis meaning "Wand of Light" - how gorgeous is that?!), testicles, pelvic floor, muscles inside, the bones, all of it. Feel, sense, or imagine that you can breathe in and out through this area. Gently start to breathe in and out of your pelvic region. Breathe slowly and deeply in and out of this area. Notice any tension that you might be holding there and with each breath in, feel the area relaxing more and more deeply. With each exhale, feel the tension releasing with the breath. Inhale ease and relaxation, exhale tension and stress.
Notice any sensations, notice any tension, notice any emotions that might be coming to the surface. We store a great deal of tension in this area and releasing it can release emotions that we stored here. Don’t give them any story, just notice them and allow them to move through. If something comes to your awareness that you feel you want to give a bit more attention to, make note of it, then perhaps take some time later to journal on it to help move the energy out of your body, mind, and spirit.
Continue breathing in this way for at least 5 minutes.
This is a practice that you can do any time of day, anywhere. In bed before you get up or before going to sleep. During your meditation practice if you have one. On your drive to work. Sitting at the computer. Anywhere really! I highly recommend doing this at least once per day, but a few times is even better!
PELVIC GOLDEN GLOW: This is taking the Pelvic Breath to the next level. Follow the instructions for the Pelvic Breath as explained above, but now visualize, imagine, sense, see, or feel a warm golden glowing ball of energy softly radiating throughout your pelvic region. As you inhale, see the golden glow drawing into the core of your pelvic region and as you exhale, see the golden glow spreading softly throughout your pelvic region. You can imagine this golden glow to have a clearing, empowering, relaxing energy to it – supporting the release of any tension, clearing any guilt, shame, or repressed energy you might be carrying there, and empowering you to feel confident and radiant in your sexual expression.
Just like the Pelvic Breath, this can be done anywhere. I highly encourage at least one session of 5 minutes daily. Again, notice any sensations, emotions or thoughts that arise and allow them to simply move through. Do not attach to them or get lost in any story. We are opening to greater flow, not looking to increase any resistance in our body, mind or energetic field. If you feel called to journal on anything that arises, that can be very supportive of the release.
LINGAM TO CROWN BREATHING: This breath-work builds off of the last two. Visualize, imagine, see, sense, or feel a small golden orb of light at the tip of your lingam. As you slowly inhale, imagine, visualize, see, sense or feel this golden orb moving through your lingam back into the base of your spine, then up through your spinal column to the top of your head. As you exhale, imagine, visualize, see, sense or feel this golden orb descending back down from the top of your head, down through your spinal column, to the base of your spine and then back through to the tip of your lingam. Continue slowly inhaling and exhaling this orb of light from your lingam to your crown and back down again.
The purpose of this practice is to start moving the sexual energy out of the pelvic region for a much greater and more expanded experience of our sexual energy. In the simplest explanation, we are supporting the clearing of the main energy channel that runs throughout the entire spinal column. We are also supporting the conscious connection of the sexual energy in our pelvic region to our heart space and our spiritual energy centers as the energy passes up and down through our spinal column. This supports a much fuller, richer experience of our sexual energy, our creativity, and our spiritual connection.
Seven energy centers (referred to as chakras) run along our spinal column, from our root to our crown, and the more we can open up the flow between these centers, the greater the flow we experience in our lives. There is much to be said about this process and these energy centers, but we are not going to get into all of that right now. Just know that this is an excellent preliminary practice to start the clearing and opening process and we will dive into more of the details as we go along.
As with the other practices, notice what comes up for you as are breathing, but do not attach to any of it. Simply allow it to move through. If your mind wanders, simply bring your awareness back to your breath and back to your visualization. Start with 10 minutes of this practice and increase as desired. This can be done sitting in meditation pose, in a chair, or while lying down.
Take it to the next level: This is an excellent practice to do while self-pleasuring to really support the movement and circulation of the sexual energy. Inhale your sexual energy up through your lingam, to your spine, then to the top of your head; exhale the energy back down your spine to your lingam. If you get close to orgasm, back off of any movement, breath the energy up and allow it dissipate throughout your body and your spine. When you are no longer close to orgasm, continue self-pleasuring and breathing the energy up and down your spine.
Try to keep awareness in your central channel (your spine) the entire time. Release any tension when you notice it in your legs and pelvic region, try to relax as much as possible, allow the energy to open up. Notice when you are holding your breath, then continue to breathe the energy up and down.
Continue for at least 10 minutes before allowing yourself to orgasm. This practice is excellent for gaining more control of your sexual energy, of your orgasm and your ejaculation, and opens you to experiencing more of a full body orgasm as the energy is no longer contained and restricted to the pelvic area.
As you get comfortable with this practice, continue expanding the length of time you circulate the energy before orgasm.
For a more advanced practice, try adding the mantra “Ohm” as you inhale and exhale through your central channel! You can repeat this silently or speak it out loud.
This can also be practiced with a partner (and is something that we will work with when you come visit me for a “Sacred” session!) for an extremely powerful experience! Intrigued? Ready for a more expanded experience? Learn more here: Sacred Sexuality Sessions
HEART CONNECTION: This practice is to be done while self-pleasuring, but can also be done with a partner once you feel you have the hang of it. It is really quite simple, yet can certainly take some practice to master! For this practice, awareness is placed on your heart space. While engaged in self-pleasuring, place your awareness on your heart space and breathe into your heart. Try to keep attention on your heart space the entire time, breathing the pleasurable sensations up into your heart. Release any tension when you notice it in your legs and pelvic region, try to relax as much as possible, allow the energy to open up. Notice when you are holding your breath, then continue to breathe into your heart.
The purpose of this practice is, again, to support the movement of energy out of the pelvic region into a more expanded state and to connect your sexual energy to your heart – opening to a deeper experience of love, joy, and bliss. And this seriously supports the ability to have a deeper, richer heart-connection when a partner is present.
Release attachment to outcome and let go of attachment to orgasm. Practice for at least 10 minutes at a time and for the first few times of doing this practice, do not take yourself to orgasm. If you come close, move your touch to other parts of your body, focus on your heart and breathe the energy up into your heart space. Allow the sexual energy to circulate and stimulate more parts of your experience – body, mind and spirit.
We are trying to release attachment to orgasm and open our energy up to different experiences. We have been quite trained into focusing on our orgasm (ours and our partners!) and have missed so many other beautiful aspects of our sexual energy. Orgasms are amazing to be sure, but when we are hyper-focused on them, we miss out on much richness and a deeper experience of our sexual energy. Releasing attachment to orgasm also helps relieve anxiety and pressure, allowing our bodies to respond and react in different ways. This can seriously take the pressure off of our sexual encounters!
PRACTICING PRESENCE: Our minds are definitely powerful erogenous zones, but try getting out of yours and get uber-present with what you are doing. When engaging in any sensual encounter, whether alone or with a partner, open to the super-sensual being that you truly are. Our senses are gorgeous, yet we often shut down to many of them during sexual experiences. We get hyper-focused on our genitals or lost in our minds.
Open up to all aspects of your experience – touch, taste, smell, hear, see – breathe into all of it – breathe into where you are touching and where you are being touched – put all of your attention into where contact is happening – get out of fantasy! This can definitely take some practice as so many of us are quite used to depending on fantasy to “get us there.” Let’s open to new ways of experiencing our sexual energy, let’s let go of attachment to outcome (orgasm) or performance, let’s enjoy the journey and all of the glorious sensations that we are capable of!
With all of these practices, notice when your mind wanders and consistently, gently bring your awareness back to your breath, back to your visualization, back to sensation. Do not judge or shame yourself for getting distracted. It is what our minds do! But we are now intentionally practicing being more present with ourselves, with our bodies and with our sexual energy. And it will take just that – practice! So be gentle with yourself and have patience. And above all – HAVE FUN!!!
This is about experience and curiosity and sensation and pleasure and expansion. There are no rules here. We are just playing with the energy and seeing what happens. This is the best way to enter into these practices – with curiosity and an open mind. Release expectation, release attachment to outcome, release any desire to “get it right.” We are each extremely unique beings with our own beautiful and amazing energies. This is an exploration and a breaking free of conditioning and limitations. This is meant to liberate us from restriction – not enhance it! Let’s play and have fun with all of this!
These practices in energy and Sacred Sexuality can easily be a gateway into so much more richness and fullness in your life – see how it starts affecting other areas of your life. Notice what shifts or changes or opens up for you as you embark on this journey.
I’m going to let you in on a little secret here – you may think you are here on my website because you want to have a bigger experience of your orgasm or learn to have longer love-making sessions – but really, your Higher Self is guiding you towards a bigger experience of life – towards living in alignment with your soul’s true desires – to experiencing the fulfillment of your heart’s ultimate longings. This is what happened to me! I thought I was looking for a deeper spiritual-sexual connection, but I was actually longing for something much, much bigger. I was longing for a deeper connection with all of life, with my heart, with my body, with The Beloved – within and without, and ultimately with Source – with God.
If you have read this far, there is a reason you are here. If you have found your way here at all, listen to that! Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, happens on accident.
This is a gorgeous path to embark on and you will reap many benefits – physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. One of my favorite quotes comes to mind here. Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu said: “The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.”
I have to warn you though! Be careful. Once you get a taste of what is possible, you are going to want to have this freedom, ease, and expansion in all areas of your life! And when that time comes, be sure to check out my 12-week intensive Empowering Sacred Masculine Total Life Transformation program when you are ready to take this all to the next level and completely transform your life. Through this program, amazing men like yourself have found the skills, courage and confidence to make major life changes that support what is truly important and fulfilling for them. World travel, early retirement, freedom from corporate life, deeper connections with partners and family, greatly improved health, richer sexual experiences, spiritual growth, and so much more ease and joy in their lives. Truly empowering!
And oh yeah – I would be remiss not to add a reminder about my super powerful Empowered Masculine Energy Restoration and Recharge sessions to super charge and accelerate the clearing of the blockages and stagnation from your physical and energy bodies, as well as from your mind and your emotional experience. All of my experience and training working with energy made me super passionate about offering energy clearing for others as, for me, nothing else is as powerful for supporting us to step strong into the life we know we are here to live – free from fear, aligned with our passion, our creativity, our sensuality, our freedom, our truth! These sessions are available both in-person and distance – so you can receive from anywhere on the planet. Don’t you just love this quantum reality we are living in? Amazing what is possible when we are working from an energetic understanding.
To recap – why are we doing breath-work, energy clearing and working with these sexual energy practices?
To open to greater freedom and sensation
To enjoy new ways of experiencing pleasure
To be a better lover
To experience a healthier relationship with our body
To greatly improve our health!
To change our experience of erectile dysfunction
To improve premature ejaculation
To clear stress, anxiety, mental spinning
To relieve performance anxiety
To improve stamina
To clear guilt and shame – around body, around sexuality, around desire
To clear stored trauma and emotional baggage
To improve relationships
To relieve inhibitions
To step into our authentic sexual expression
To liberate ourselves from outdated beliefs surrounding our sexuality
To connect more deeply with ourselves and with our partner
To open to greater love
To deepen spiritual connection
And the list goes on…
Wow! That was a long one. Thanks for staying with me the entire time. Now that, baby, is stamina! And it was oh-so-deeply pleasurable to be with you for sooo deliciously long. Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm!
May these practices serve you well! Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions. Feel free to schedule an Empowered Masculine Guidance session too if you want further instruction or want to dive more deeply into all of this.
Wishing you so much love on your journey towards sexual freedom, expansion, expression, and liberation!
XoXo ~ Star
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