What We Truly Desire

I received a gorgeous email from a beautiful gentleman client recently and it has super inspired me to write a little blurb about it. I am going to share a bit of the email here with you – and, yes, I definitely asked for permission before sharing with you all!

We had the pleasure of spending a few days together, part of which included one of my Sacred (Tantric) Ultimate Companion Rituals. This amount of time together allowed us to get into some very deep conversations, exploring many consciousness-raising, relationship-healing topics, and engaging in morning meditation together, which I always find to be sooo powerful.

“The days with you last week truly were a pivotal experience, I feel permanently changed somehow, though I'm not fully able to express it just yet. I am so still riding the positive energy from our days together. That's how I described it to my family, as taking in so much positive energy from the waves, the surroundings, my meditation, everything! And I came home talking like you 😆. It was all energies, intention, breath-work, rituals, personal retreat, a time to honor myself... My family may think I'm a little weird right now but it actually felt very good expressing myself in those terms, especially the energies, they seemed to get that right away. And I asked my wife if she would be willing to read "Tantric Secrets for Men" with me, she said yes and even seemed somewhat interested. I was on a roll and decided to continue asking whether she desired me, whether she wanted me sexually, she said yes and I told her how important hearing that is to me. She talked about how much she missed me this week. And it wasn't just about me, we talked about her needs too, but she asked for more time to think about that. It led into some beautiful love making, the best we've had in ages, and afterward we just lay there and talked for at least an hour. So much like you and I do, it was actually very beautiful from beginning to end. So thank you for the book suggestion, that gave me a way to start the conversation. And the really important thing that has finally sunk in from our work together is that everything I've learned from you about connection, intention, sharing our sensual energy, ritual and breath work, I need to implement at home. That you are training me, and not just filling in what's missing in my marriage.”

Wow. This felt so beautiful and powerful for me to read and take in. This is sooo much what this is all about for me.

If you’ve been following along on my blog and understand my philosophy – my mission and vision as it were – it is all about supporting our being able to connect with each other from a healthy, nourishing, loving place. For us to clear away all of the inherited limiting belief systems and unhealthy patterns that we have taken on – for us to stop connecting with each other from the place of our Wounded Feminine/Wounded Masculine experiences and expressions – and for us to start relating to each other from an empowered, free, healthy Sacred Masculine/Sacred Feminine expression.

All any of us truly desire is to love and to be loved. And not the tainted, skewed, codependent type of love that we have inherited from previous generations and have learned from Hollywood movies. We need true, authentic love that comes from open hearts and a strong sense of self-worth, not from fear and lack, neediness and wounding.

When gentlemen reach out to me to connect, it is from a strong, overwhelming need to be wanted, held, cherished, fulfilled, desired, cared for, loved and truly received by the feminine – by The Goddess. Ultimately, however, what they truly want is to be desired and received by their own Beloved – by their wives or their partners. Of course, not everybody I connect with is in a committed relationship, but many are – and it is my ultimate dream and desire to support the renewal of that bond, of their intimacy, of their ability to start connecting from a healthy place of love and wholeness vs. that fearful, resentful, frustrated place of wounding.

There is deep, deep wounding of our feminine and masculine energies and many unhealthy patterns that the majority of us are relating from. So many of these are unconscious patterns and until we start doing the work and start bringing these patterns up into our consciousness, they continue to repeat and run amok, wreaking havoc on our relationships and destroying the connection we so deeply desire and long for. Each of us wants to point the finger at the other, but the truth is that pretty much all of us are coming from that wounded place – wounds we acquired in childhood from parents who were unable to give us the love and validation we needed, as they never received it themselves.

Our families and the society we grew up in demanded that we shut parts of ourselves down to conform, to fit in, to adhere to the rules, in order to be successful, to get our needs met, to receive praise, to receive love. To receive love, even very skewed, distorted versions of what we were taught was love, we had to deny, shut down and change parts of ourselves. We were not celebrated and cherished just for being ourselves, for who we showed up as. We feel guilty and ashamed of those parts of ourselves that were not supported, that we had to hide. And now we are looking to the other – to our spouses and partners – to fix us, make us feel whole, fill the void, help us feel loved. That will never work though. None of us can truly care for another when we are each coming from such a place of lack, wounding, and unworthiness.

Have you heard that saying? “Hurt people hurt people.” This is how all of these unhealthy patterns are passed from generation to generation and how we have now ended up in this place with so much discontent, divorce, disease, mental health issues, emotional challenges, spiritual disconnection, sexual repression and isolation, self-esteem issues, and the list goes on. The energy gets passed on and carries over and we have fully embodied it at every level. We take it deep into our bodies, minds, and spirits. So much of the disconnection from our bodies – the premature ejaculation, numbness, and erectile dysfunction – is simply our body’s way of dealing with and expressing these unhealthy energies and patterns.

Now it is up to us to do our own inner work, to dive into the painful places, to self-reflect, to look at our own issues, to take responsibility, to do what we need to do to heal, to clear these energies from our bodies, and to start to truly love ourselves so we no longer need to other to make us feel whole. It is time for us to stop the unhealthy patterns – stop the cycle of wounding.

Until we are able to connect from a place of wholeness, worthiness, confidence in ourselves and our truths, trust, compassion, empathy, and open hearts – we will always be needing something from the other. Something that they themselves are not able to give, because they are coming from their own place of wounding. This is where the frustration and resentment come in. We feel a lack and we look to the other to fill it. When they ultimately are unable to do this for us, we get hurt, frustrated, angry, bitter, resentful – and then we start shutting down and pulling away. And blaming the other for our hurt. Projecting our issues onto the other. I see this time and again – and have absolutely lived out this painful pattern myself too many times to count, forcing me to do so much of my own self-work and reflection and healing.

In my spiritual journey moving from my own Wounded Feminine/Wounded Masculine expressions and super unhealthy, codependent relationship patterns into my healthy Sacred Feminine/Sacred Masculine expressions, I have learned so much, picked up sooo many tools and techniques, and gleaned sooo much wisdom. It is my absolute passion to share it with you all. Again, receiving the above beautiful email was just so nourishing for me and absolutely makes my heart sing.

I want to highlight a very important piece of this puzzle for all of us and something I have a bigger blog post percolating about (stay tuned!) – wives and partners are not shutting down intentionally or consciously making the decision to do so – just as we are not consciously making a decision to feel hurt, frustrated, rejected and shut down ourselves. All of this is happening beneath the surface and is coming from our wounding. As mentioned before, I absolutely believe and trust that all any of us truly want is to feel loved and to give love. We don’t want to feel hurt and shut down; we don’t want to feel neglected or resentful; we don’t want to feel isolated and alone. None of us chooses this consciously. I honestly believe that none of us sets out to intentionally hurt the other.

These wounds and our patterning based on them are all working beneath the surface, very unconsciously. It is extremely important that we try to not to take it all so personally, though, believe me, I know this is not easy when we are hurting and feeling frustrated. This gets easier as we start taking responsibility for our part, doing our own personal healing work and start to understand the energetics and consciousness behind it all. We are able to back up a bit, get some distance from our emotions, see the larger perspective, and move out of our reactivity. This is huge part of the beauty of starting to address our personal issues – we start to gain so much freedom from them and are no longer a slave to the emotions of it all. Whew!

As I have said in previous blog posts, people may think they are coming to me for a sublimely exquisite sensual experience, but what they are truly longing for is soooo much more and goes much, much deeper. If you have found your way to me, know that you are ready for a much more expanded experience. You are ready to drop the unhealthy, unconscious, wounded ways of relating and connecting. You are ready to start opening your heart, to start reconnecting with the truth of yourself and who you are truly meant to be, to start fully loving, honoring and appreciating all aspects of yourself, and to realize that you are absolutely worthy of healthy love and connection. You are ready to embrace and express the fullness of your passions, and you are ready to start having a much deeper, more authentic and fulfilling experience of union and connection with The Beloved.

I am so thrilled that you have found your way here and it is an honor to support you in any way I can – whether that be deep diving into my Empowered Masculine Total Life Transformation 12-week intensive program; taking an epic soul-searching pilgrimage with me to India to reconnect with the heart of your Sacred Masculine Self; opening to huge shifts through my Empowered Masculine Energy Rejuvenation sessions; embarking on a personal sensual-spiritual 2-day retreat with me; or simply bringing greater consciousness into your sexuality with one of my Sacred Sexuality Sessions.

There are so many ways we can start to profoundly shift our unconscious patterns and step strong into our healthy, loving, passionate, empowered Sacred Masculine/Sacred Feminine selves. So gorgeous!

This is such a stunning path to be on. Unbelievably life-changing and supremely rewarding. And so beautiful to see the ripple effects that happen as a result of our doing this work for ourselves – it spreads out to our families, our loved ones, friends, coworkers, everybody that we come into contact with. Just as the energies of fear and hate are contagious, so too are those of love, peace, freedom and joy. The work that my clients are doing on themselves is spreading out to touch their wives and their families and I get to hear reports on what is shifting and opening up for them as well. Super awesome and amazing!!! Nothing brings me greater nourishment and fulfillment than seeing the healing that happens between spouses and the rekindling of their connection and passion for each other – just as described in the email above. So beautiful. This is all I want for all of us. Love, connection, harmony, union, health.

Thank you again so much for your presence and for being on this journey towards wholeness with me. It is truly an honor to walk this path alongside you. If you are looking to take any of this further, an excellent next step is to schedule some time with me. And if you are not sure which offering is best for you, schedule an Empowered Masculine Guidance session and we will talk a bit about where you are currently at in your life journey - body, mind and spirit - and where you would like to be – and how do we close that gap?

Again, this is a beautiful journey to be on and I am devoted to supporting us all as we navigate all the ups and downs, twists and turns – and let’s try to have as much sexy, sensual fun as we can while doing it! Life in these amazing human bodies can be so gorgeous! Let’s enjoy while we can. Passion is my motto!

Mmmm, mmmm, mmmm! I LOVE being here with all of you amazing men (and any of my beautiful sisters that are reading this too!)! I am so in love with the Sacred Masculine. You all totally rock my world and I love dancing through life with you all.

I look forward to connecting when the time is right.

Much love to you all on this amazing journey!

XoXo ~ Star

P.S. ~ These will definitely be themes we will be working with in our upcoming Empowered Masculine Sacred Sexuality pilgrimage to India - doing powerful clearing rituals in sacred Ma Ganga - the gorgeous River Goddess that flows through India. Stunning and transformative! Sign up on the email list to get all of the latest updates and be the first to know when registration is available. This is going to be epic!

EMPOWERED MASCULINE SACRED SEXUALITY INDIA PILGRIMAGE EMAIL LIST ~ SIGN-UP HERE!