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  • Writer's pictureStar

Know Thyself

Hello, hello beautiful readers and wow!  So wonderful to be sharing with you all today. 


I have just returned from Florida where I was reconnecting with my beloved – my previous husband – the person I was ready to commit to for the rest of my life.  And that was a pretty big deal for me because I have never felt that strongly about anyone and I was never one for the institution of marriage and all the restrictions that I felt came along with that – especially given what I do for a living and my love of men and variety and what I feel is my passion and purpose – sharing time, sensuality, energy and connection with more than one person and showing others what is possible with our sensual energy and connection – and how it all ties in with our spirituality.  That doesn’t tend to be very conducive to marriage, which tends to be synonymous with monogamy.  Not my thing.  It never has been.  Ever.


So trust that this marriage thing took me by surprise and definitely shook up my world and had me re-evaluating what was important to me and what was I willing to compromise and how could I have it all – the committed relationship, my beloved career, my freedom, my individuality, and a deep love and connection based on who I truly am, not based on my trying to fit into some predetermined role of what a wife is or what a committed relationship is supposed to look like.  There are deep, deep belief systems that we hold around relationship and commitment, deep patterns in our psyche.  I was ready to take them on, to challenge them, to do something radically different – and I was committed to making it work and I believed I could do it.  I loved this man!


Turns out those deep patterns and belief systems were not so easy to break down and navigating them was way more challenging than expected.  These grooves are thousands of years deep and long.  We did our best and we made amazing progress, but, in the end, it proved to be more than we could handle – and it wasn’t just the issue of my career that we were navigating, it was very long-held beliefs of the roles of men and women in relationship, co-dependency, wounded feminine and masculine energies we inherited from a broken society and unhealthy families, and our own hurts, traumas and pains accumulated over the years. 


We entered into our relationship very consciously with the intention of unraveling the Wounded Feminine and Wounded Masculine patterns we knew we were rockin’ out – hearts shut down, resentful, fearful, unhealthy emotions, unrealistic expectations, communication challenges, projection, blaming, finger-pointing, judgment and criticism, intimacy issues, possessiveness, jealousy, control issues, and on and on and on.  We’d encountered all of this in ourselves in previous relationships and we witnessed it bigtime in all of the relationships in our families.


We have both been on a spiritual path for a very long time and we considered our union as very sacred and a place to support each other to move through these typical relationship challenges.  We were not naïve to our own personal issues and the issues that plague most relationships – and the added challenge of my chosen profession that absolutely flies in the face of our understanding of marriage and monogamy.  We trusted that our awareness and higher consciousness regarding these issues would help us move through it all in a more graceful fashion.  Turns out this was not exactly the case.  Ha!  Again, these patterns run deep, deep, deep and so much of them run beneath the surface, beyond our reach, beyond our conscious awareness.  Despite our best intentions, they often got the best of us and it was rather exhausting to keep at it day in and day out. 


Ultimately, it turned out to be too much and we recognized the need to step away from each other and continue the inner-work on our own.  We had gotten to the point of triggering each other too much and it was no longer supportive for us to stay together, though we still deeply loved each other and it was heart-wrenching to part ways.  And extremely confusing, as we were so very conscious and intentional with our union and our path.  Why couldn’t we overcome some of these obstacles?


Turns out that some of this personal growth and inner-work is just best done solo.  We definitely recognized when we parted that we had taken it as far as we could together and that some of these issues simply had to be taken on alone.  Again, we were grappling with very long-held, very unhealthy societal beliefs regarding what being a man and a woman was supposed to look like – and what relationship was supposed to look like.  We all know these learned patterns and behaviors and systems do not work, but we have been so trained into them that it is extremely challenging to break free and to go so against the grain – to challenge the norms, to challenge ourselves, to find new ways forward, to forge a new path. 


The systems we have inherited and grown up in, for the most part, absolutely do not support the truth of who we are as individuals.  They do not support us to express ourselves, to shine our unique light brightly, and to stand fully in our power, in our Divinity as the beings of love that we truly are.  So much of what we have been taught is about conforming to rules, regulations and roles that don’t actually support our unique energies and expressions.  We spend so much of our lives and our energy trying to fit into these little boxes in order to feel loved and like we belong, but it never works because we are not being loved for who we truly are – we are getting attention based on falsities, lies, and masks. 


We long to break free, we long to know ourselves, we long to express the truth of who we are.  We long for the courage to be ourselves and we long to be loved for exactly who we are and how we showed up in this lifetime – not for how well we can conform to what the other wants of us, whether that “other” be society, our family, our partner, or our workplace.   This is an exhausting, soul-sucking, life-draining way to do a human life.  And it leads to bitterness, resentment, shut down, frustration, disease, depression, anxiety, divorce, sorrow, grief, anger, isolation, loneliness, addiction, escapism, and so much more.


This all turned out to be our biggest challenge – how do we enter into union, how do we create a new and supportive experience of union, given all that we had grown up in and given all the unhealthy patterns that we came in with?  How do we break free?  How do we create a loving container where we are free to be ourselves and love each other for who we truly are, not based on all of the societal expectations and learned behaviors that we were rockin’ out?  As it turns out, this all meant a total annihilation of so much of our foundation – pretty much everything had to be demolished and destroyed in order to rebuild a healthy, supportive, sustainable container for not only our union, but for ourselves first and foremost.  For if we are not entering in from a healthy place, there is no way in hell our union is going to be healthy.  And this is why we needed to part ways for a while. 

Again, some of this growth just has to be embarked upon alone.  We have to face ourselves, face our shadow, face the deep, dark places in ourselves, those childhood wounds and traumas that give birth to so many of our fears and unhealthy behaviors and patterns.  The spiritual path is not all rainbows and unicorns as some might think.  It is a deep dive into all aspects of ourselves – both shadow and light.  On this journey, we must confront all of ourselves and all of our deepest fears, patterns, and triggers.  This requires a lot of perseverance, effort, patience, awareness, and consciousness.   


On our path we also get to meet all of the most glorious aspects of ourselves and coax them into the light – all those parts of ourselves that got shut down or hidden along the way, all the quirky, unique and gorgeous aspects of ourselves that didn’t fit into those tiny little boxes our families and society were doling out.  We get to start embracing these parts of ourselves, celebrating them and connecting with others who honor and cherish all of us.  We start stepping into our power and appreciating all of our beauty and all of the ways we showed up – and we start making healthy decisions for ourselves based on this newfound confidence and courage to be who we truly are.  We start to fall in love with ourselves and we start to have so much fun being who we truly are. 


This is what happened for us over these past 10 months that we separated.  We dove into our pain and our triggers and the dark, shadowy parts of ourselves – examining and exploring all of what was brought to the surface for us through the course of our relationship.  Where did we need to take responsibility and how could we get to the root of the issues – what was at the core of our fears and unhealthy patterns?  Where had we shut down and where were we projecting our crap onto the other?  And how were we not being true to ourselves for fear of losing love – fear of not being accepted by the other?  Where had we compromised ourselves in unhealthy ways?  Where had we not been courageous enough to be ourselves? 


Not going to lie – it was a painful, grueling dismantling of so many long-held, unhealthy belief systems that simply were not serving us and, truthfully, never had.  But, this time, without the container of our union or the other to blame or project onto, it became much deeper and much more personal.  Talk about taking responsibility!  It is so easy to blame another, to be in a place of self-righteousness, to think it is all the other person.  Not when you are all alone though! 

Sure, we could have chosen to continue blaming the other or thinking that we were in the right and not bothered to do the personal work, but, because we still truly loved each other so much and were so perplexed as to why we couldn’t make it work given how devoted we were to each other and to our union, we each embarked on a deep-dive, transformational, roto-rooter type of excavation to get to the heart of the matter and break free from these debilitating patterns that were causing us so much pain and heartache – and separation.  Because we are both so committed to our spiritual growth, we recognized where our work was, and we were not giving up.  I trust at some level, too, that we both knew we hadn’t truly given up on our union either.


And rightfully so.  After many months of separation, we finally came back together, connecting by phone for a few months before connecting in person again.  He is in Florida and I am still on the West Coast as I write this, which feels good for right now.  We are taking it slowly and being absolutely certain not to repeat old patterns, as we now have so much awareness and clarity as to what those patterns are.  Our in-person reunion was beautiful and amazing and all of the things and it just felt so right to be together again.  We have learned so much and we have cleared so much too. 

Our work has paid off and we could absolutely feel a huge shift in our energies and how we were relating with each other.  We have both changed drastically over the past many months and it feels wonderfully glorious.  We feel strong, in our power, confident in who we are and what we each want.  No longer so fearful of losing love and acceptance.  I look forward to seeing how this all transpires for us and how our relationship continues to evolve – and how we continue to open into greater love, compassion and ability to support each other in our on-going growth and expansion.


Through all of this, I have become so confident of who I am and what I want out of life and from a partnership – and where I absolutely will not compromise certain aspects of myself.  When coming together with another in committed union, there is always some level of compromise, but it should be more about closet space or where you go for dinner, not compromising those aspects of yourself that make you who you are.  I love my career – I love supporting us all to wake up to our Sacred Sexuality and to being stronger in our Sacred Feminine and Sacred Masculine selves.  This is my absolute passion and purpose.  I adore sharing my sensuality with others.  This is a huge aspect of my creativity and my life-force energy.  These things cannot be compromised.  Any relationship I commit to must support me in this – and I must be fully on board supporting my partner in what is important to them and who they truly are.  I do not want to be with a person who gives up parts of them self to be in our union – because they think that is what I want.  Not good!  None of us should have to give up parts of ourselves to feel worthy of love. 


We are both so passionate about breaking free from the Wounded Feminine and Wounded Masculine patterns of our families and of society – and from the unhealthy sexual patterns and ways of relating that we have grown up with.  And we have always been extremely passionate about supporting others to do the same.  I absolutely trust that we went through all of this so that we are better equipped to support others through their own process.  Having faced so many of our own challenges, we are now so much readier to support others.  I had done so much personal growth on my spiritual path before I met my beloved and truly thought I was at a much more advanced stage than I was. 

There is truly only so far we can take ourselves on our own though – we need the “other” to trigger all of those places in us that need triggering.  And that is what this relationship did for me – and for him.  It way propelled us forward in our growth and our evolution – in crazy powerful ways!  And for that, I am eternally grateful and I pray that each and every one of us is able to connect with another with as much consciousness to support our spiritual growth and our ability to both give and receive love – for that is ultimately what this is all about.  We broke through so many of those defenses and resistances that were getting in the way of our knowing and experiencing true love – for ourselves and for each other.  It is a beautiful thing!


I didn’t previously understand the beauty of a committed relationship as much as I do now – and I didn’t understand the depth of the challenges facing marriage and committed partnership that I do now.  I didn’t have the same level of appreciation, so was unable to relate as well to my clients who were in committed relationships.  Now I am so much more passionate about supporting us all to be in healthy relationships, should we choose that path.  And now, having “been there, done that,” I have soooo many more tools to support us all as we navigate these wounded places and open to greater love. 


We need each other, we want so desperately to love and to be loved, and we want so much to be safe to be ourselves – held, cherished, celebrated, and supported by the other.  In all of our passions, in our uniqueness, in all of our beautiful quirkiness.  I truly believe and know this is all possible!  I have dedicated my life to being ME – even when I have had to make those tough decisions and even when it completely goes against the grain of society (which it most often does!).  The further I go along my path, the more confident I become and the more I am able to “let my freak flag fly!” 


Sensual, silly, curious, passionate, psychic, independent, playful, challenging, alternative, non-conformist, critical thinker, Mother Earth-worshipper, energy healer, and absolutely committed and devoted to my path of spirituality and Sacred Sexuality. 


I definitely don’t fit into your typical…anything really.  I certainly don’t fit the stereotypes of my profession and I absolutely don’t fit the stereotypical “wife” or partner.  I was put up for adoption at birth and very quickly became the black sheep of my adoptive family – though they certainly appreciate my strange ways so much more now than when I was younger (I was rather troubled in my youth!).  I live in a converted shuttle bus traveling the country.  I just don’t do “normal” and never have. 

I seemed to come into this world ready to challenge every system in place.  It has definitely not been easy, but it also has come with sooo many amazing rewards and a freedom that most people do not ever experience in their lives.  I am creating and living a life that I absolutely love and that totally turns me on – according to my own values and desires.  And the further I go along, the more I embrace that and step even more fully into who I am – with confidence, courage, passion, surrender, and an absolute love for myself and how I showed up – without worrying about what anybody thinks of my weirdness! 


And to me, ultimately, this is what the spiritual path is all about.  A continuous exploration and dismantling of the unhealthy limitations and belief systems that we have taken on that, ultimately, keep us from knowing true love and from truly loving ourselves – loving ourselves enough to BE OURSELVES – unapologetically.  But first, we have to discover who that is – who are we beneath all of those expectations, limitations, belief systems, projections, and masks?  This is the journey of self-discovery.  Know thyself.  This is what happens on the path.  And it is magical, surprising, frightening, liberating, confronting, astonishing, beautiful, joyful, expansive, curious, and definitely fun if you allow it to be ~ we have to find the humor in all of this!  Life is supposed to be fun and we are here to enjoy and play.  Truly we are.


I have been super excited to get started on a few new projects, but have been waiting until Pluto moves into Aquarius, which just happened about an hour ago now.  For those of you who do not follow astrology, Pluto, the planet of deep transformation, has been in the sign of Capricorn since 2008 and has been breaking down a lot of the systems in our own personal lives, in society and in the collective.  It has been a very transformational time – and now the energy is shifting in a very big way as Pluto moves into the sign of Aquarius today.  You may be feeling a big shift in your energy and a quickening.  We are going to start seeing some very big changes in the world, in technology, and in our spiritual evolution.  Exciting times that we are in!  Fresh energies, expansion, creativity.  Things are ready to open up!  Are you feeling It?  Where are you ready to expand and evolve in your life?  What new projects are you ready to explore?  Where are you ready to release the old and step into the new?  This is the time!


Given that Pluto was at the very end of Capricorn signaling a time of endings, it was not the best time to start new projects, hence my waiting.  But now all systems are go!  This is the beauty of following astrology – we get to create and play with the energies in a way that best supports us.  Stay tuned for some exciting and super-sensual developments in the works.  My ‘freak flag’ is going to be flying even higher!!!  Very exciting!


As always, so very grateful for your presence and connection.  Do please reach out when you are ready for a sensual life-coach to support you on your journey – are ready to explore Sacred Sexuality even further – or are ready to deep dive into my 12-week Empowered Sacred Masculine Total Life Transformation intensive program.  Also keep in mind my powerful Empowered Masculine Energy Restoration & Recharge sessions to support your clearing of these unhealthy patterns and energies we were discussing here in this post.  Bypass the mental process and get right to the heart of the matter!  We ARE energy – working with our patterns at an energetic level brings about fast results and is a total game-changer.  Feel free to check out the Testimonials to all of my amazing, sensual, life-changing sessions and offerings! 


As I mentioned previously, it is my absolute passion and pleasure to support us all to be in our power, connected to our healthy sexual and sensual expressions, loving ourselves, enjoying passionate connections and loving relationships, and confident to be who we truly are.  Reach out when you are ready to take this all to the next level!

For my dear friends in the Pacific Northwest - I will be here for another week or so before heading south for some months. I look forward to connecting with you one last time before heading out!

And - very exciting news (at this point Pluto has moved into Aquarius - yay!!!) - I have just created a new Instagram account if you would like to follow me there. I so appreciate the ease and speed with which I can share content on that platform. I stepped away from social media for some time, but feeling inspired to share more with you, So feel free to come connect with me there if you feel called to it!

Username to search: SacredSensualStar

I look forward to seeing you there!


Wishing you so much love on your journey and a very happy new year to you!


XoXo ~ Star

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