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Tantric Secrets for Men

Updated: Nov 17, 2023


Tantric Secrets for Men: What Every Woman Will Want Her Man to Know About Enhancing Sexual Ecstasy by Kerry Riley with Diane Riley

Always on the lookout for more ways to support us all on our sensual journey, I love to research books that might be of benefit. I came across a recommendation for this book during a recent internet search and thought I would give it a go. I've been getting pretty into it over the past week and have about 20 pages left, so I am feeling confident about sharing my thoughts now with you all.

I have already recommended this to a few people and have added it to my list of recommended reading on my Beyond page here on my website - so that right there tells you it is definitely worth reading!

There were a few things right away that rubbed me the wrong the way and a couple of note-worthy aspects of the book that I feel need addressing, so will be sharing those with you here shortly. Overall though, I feel this book has much to offer both men and women in regards to bringing so much more presence and intention into their sexual and sensual expressions and encounters.

The author is all about supporting us to prioritize sexuality in our relationships and not lose sight of how important it is to maintain sexual connection with our beloved throughout the duration of our relationships - prioritize LOVE he says. Absolutely!

So many of us know what happens when we let it slip by the wayside and don't put it at the top of our list as it relates to our relationships - then we find ourselves in a situation where we are having sex with our partner once a month - or twice a year (yikes!) - and not in very fulfilling or creative ways. Our relationships experience great tension and we feel disconnected from our partners. And for single people, we might just end up having rather unfulfilling encounters with random people and not getting much satisfaction from our shallow interactions.

When we prioritize love-making and our sexual expression, we have much more fulfilling, rich, nourishing, creative, expansive experiences that support our opening more fully to love - love of ourselves, of our partner, of The Divine (that last one is my own addition!).

It's just like anything though - if we don't take the time and put in the effort to learn how to be a good lover, it is going to show - and our love life - our sexual/sensual life - will reflect that back to us. So this book helps to bridge the gap, bringing in techniques, ideas, suggestions, and philosophies to support our being a good lover to our partner - and vice versa.

I feel like many of the techniques shared and taught are extremely practical, useful, beneficial and easy to learn and incorporate. I feel the author does an excellent job at helping the reader to understand (and implement) the importance of being present with your partner, communicating effectively with your partner, helping one to understand that men and women have very different energies and expressions, the importance of being in ones heart vs being hyper-focused on the genitals, and how to greatly expand one's experience of sensual/sexual pleasure. As far as all that goes, I highly recommend reading this book!

The things I found challenging about this book are that the author uses many generalizations that simply cannot be true - with language such as, "All women like this..." "All men feel this way..." "All women want to hear this..."

When reading this book, I would highly caution us not to buy into any statements that lump any group into one certain way of being, feeling, thinking, behaving, etc.

There were a number of suggestions he offers that, quite frankly, would irritate the crap out of me if my lover were to incorporate them into our sensual encounter. For instance, there is a part in the book where the author is discussing what men and women like to hear during sensual encounters and much of what was written was just too mushy for me and would not be a turn on at all. "Your fragrance is like jasmine." Huh? Sounds like something out of a cheap romance novel. Yikes!

And, of course, perhaps some women would love to hear this - apparently the women he works with do. What I am trying to illuminate here is, again, do not generalize or assume and do not take everything you read here as gospel. Each person is so wonderfully and amazingly unique and part of the beauty of our sensual exploration with a partner is discovering just what does and does not work for them. Take the time to communicate with your partner - ask, find out, get curious, explore! Don't assume.

Other issues I had with the book are the generalizations and misrepresentations about Tantric teachings and philosophy. As I have discussed previously in this month's newsletter (more in-depth blog post to follow!), Tantra is a spiritual philosophy, a way of life, a huge set of practices, teachings, and way of understanding and relating to reality, with only a very small aspect of it having anything to do with sexuality.

Tantra has been widely misunderstood and misrepresented here in The West - and this person's writings on it are an excellent example of this. In this respect, I find it hard to recommend this book, as some of the information is just simply downright wrong - and cringe-worthy for those that know better. And for those that don't, again, these types of books are very misleading. This is why I am trying to bring so much attention to the mislabeling of what is really just being more conscious, present, and intentional with our sexual energy. And that is not Tantra - that is simply conscious sexuality - or what I like to refer to as Sacred Sexuality. Stay tuned for continued discussion on this matter, as it is something I am quite passionate about, having practiced authentic Tantric practices for over a decade now (and, as mentioned previously, none of it has anything to do with having a bigger orgasm!).

On this note, I have recently added a number of books on my Beyond page for those of you interested in exploring authentic Tantra - especially as it relates to the Kashmir Shaivism tradition. Check those out if it speaks to you. But do know that they are definitely not sensual in nature.

End rant!

Back to the book - having mentioned those two major cons of the book, I feel good recommending it and truly do feel that the author's heart is in a very good place and that most of what he is sharing in this book is extremely beneficial and an excellent place to start learning how to bring greater consciousness into sexual encounters and relationships. There are wonderful tools and techniques to take one quite far on their path of experiencing a much more expanded experience of pleasure, love, and connection.

A couple of honorable book topic mentions: techniques to last longer and make love for much longer than you are probably accustomed to, ways to extend your pleasure and your orgasm, tips for opening up your energy to have a full body orgasm, and a topic I am extremely excited about - ways to reconnect with your partner after the sex has all but disappeared from your relationship. I know this is a common issue in long-term relationships and I think there are some excellent suggestions in this book for rekindling the romance in a way that really takes the pressure off and could be highly effective.

There really is some great information in this and I am thrilled to be recommending it to you to support you on your journey. And - if you find yourself wanting to explore some of these techniques that you are learning, you know where to find me! I would love to support the expansion of our sensual pleasures and connections!

I would also love to hear your thoughts on the book and please feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions as you are reading. Comment below or shoot me a message via my contact page. Happy to support you in any way I can!

Wishing you so much love and pleasure on your journey.

XoXo ~ Star

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