Okay, so maybe that title sounds a bit aggressive, but that is what has been kicking around in my mind for quite some time now and I just can’t sugarcoat this one, as it really would detract from the importance of what seriously needs to be said. And “Can We Pretty Please Slow Down With Each Other?” just doesn’t have the same impact now does it? And besides – I love saying and using the word fuck. I really do.
Slow the fuck down with what you ask?
How about we slow the fuck down with touching, with sensual encounters, with the removal of clothing, with giving oral pleasure, with receiving oral pleasure, with making love, with fucking, with sexual expression, when talking dirty, when making out and kissing, when having sex, when moving in and out, when flirting…and seducing, with playing, engaging in fantasy, and role-playing – all of it.
This is a friendly reminder and an invitation to bring it down a few notches – to be in the moment, savor the experience, savor the other beautiful being standing in front of you. Savor the sensual energy. Savor the beauty of the moment. Relax, ground down, open to receive, breathe, enjoy, let go.
Sloooowwww the fuck down (get it?)…
And I totally get raw, carnal passion that has more of that primal urgency to it – but that is not what I am talking about here. I am referring to the majority of our day-to-day sensual encounters. All too often I feel like the experience could very seriously slow down quite a bit and be oh-so-much more pleasurable, more rich, more connected. All too often it feels like a race to the finish line – and it doesn’t make a lot of sense really.
We crave these moments of intimacy and sensuality sooo much and yet when we are actually in them, we tend to move things along at some rapid-fire pace rather than settling into them and savoring the connection and all of the beautiful sensations that are occurring.
I’m thinking right now of the time and effort I spend prettying and pampering to ready myself for a sensual encounter, the building anticipation, the desire that has been rising. Preparing my space, applying lipstick, donning lingerie...
And how often it seems to go completely unrecognized – without a second glance or any sense of appreciation of the luscious surroundings and the beautiful feminine energy standing before you. Lingerie is removed in a flash. Pants and shirt disappear before I have a chance to savor the beautiful presence all wrapped up in clothing like a special gift just for me. I love the unwrapping part – I love the sensation of your clothing on my bare skin – the excitement of what lies beneath. The anticipation.
I adore feeling your hands moving over my body – over my lingerie, your hands moving across my panties, that thinnest layer of material separating my flesh from your flesh, your tongue on my panties. Absolutely exquisite. Slowly peeling back the layers. Slowly moving closer to the moment. Kissing and licking my way down your body, fully enveloped in your energy, appreciating your breath, your presence, your body, your longing. Embracing our connection. Feeling your heartbeat.
All of these things happen slowly. I want to be fully engaged, fully tuned in, fully turned on. This happens in the slow. This happens in the sensual. This happens in presence.
I know some of you have discovered the reading list on my site and some of you have taken it upon yourselves to follow my advice and read She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman. In this beautiful gift to humankind, the author emphasizes and highlights the importance of slowing down and taking one’s time. That it takes time to turn a woman on, to engorge the genitalia, to fully activate all the 18 parts of the vulva. 18 parts! That bears repeating – yes – 18 parts!
And despite that fact, I cannot tell you how many times my partner just DIVES for the one part that most people know to be “the clit” (which is actually just the tip of the iceberg!). The most sensitive part – the almost too sensitive part for people with vulvas. And the rest of the vulva goes completely ignored, drastically reducing the amount of pleasure given and received – and often resulting in too much sensitivity that can, quite honestly, leave one feeling frustrated and lacking.
Imagine if a person, when giving you oral pleasure, only licked, repeatedly and somewhat relentlessly, that super sensitive part on the tip of your penis - and didn't pay any attention to the rest of your cock and balls.
There is so much more potential for pleasure and connection when one slows down, contemplates what is taking place, and explores thoughtfully and with presence.
I have been experiencing this with some of you and it has been a very beautiful experience of connection and so much more pleasure – both you and I are noticing big changes in both our physical pleasure and our emotional connection. Both are becoming much richer, more authentic, more passionate. So much more depth. So much more fulfillment – on so many levels. It has been a beautiful unfolding and is showing us what happens when we slow down – when we bring more intention and presence to our encounter.
So again – this is my invitation – to both of us. Let’s slow down. Let’s be more present with each other. Let’s be in greater appreciation of the beauty of our encounter. In the nuances and intricacies of the dance that happens when we come together. Let us cherish each other and celebrate our sensual desires and passions. Celebrate these sensual human bodies we inhabit.
As I have been contemplating and working on this post over the past few days, a fun little idea came to mind – or rather a challenge if you will. In the spirit of slowing down, perhaps try this challenge during your next sensual encounter where you get to give oral pleasure to your partner.
The 5-Minute Challenge: when “going down” on your partner, try to not touch the most sensitive part of the genitals (typically the clitoris and the clitoral hood (buy the book!) or the head of the penis) for at least 5 minutes.
Explore the areas all around these sensitive spots more thoroughly using your tongue, lips, and fingers. Experiment with pressure – trying a softer touch or more firm touch – with lips, tongues and fingers. Experiment using the tip of your tongue vs the flat of it – all around the area. Use your fingers to lightly touch and caress all around. All for at least 5 minutes. Yes, 5 minutes! Sounds easy enough right? But it’s not.
Trust me when I say though that this absolutely heightens arousal, intensifies sensations, increases blood flow to the area and makes everything sooo unfuckingbelieavably much more delicious.
And then when you finally do let a finger or the tip of your tongue brush ever-so-lightly over the clitoris or head of the penis, it is going to feel 1000 times better for all of the anticipation and sensual build-up. Seriously. Test it out. See what happens. Do you know how exquisite it feels to be teased and adored in such a way? Absolutely breathtaking! So give it a shot – I dare you!
And another unbelievable way to slow things down – play with panties on for a while. This goes back to the lingerie piece I was getting into earlier and how gorgeous it feels to have that ultra-thin layer of material between me and you – and this goes both ways.
I adore the feel of your cock beneath your underwear – touching and squeezing and brushing my fingers over it. Using my mouth and hot breath to tease you and give you a little glimpse of what is to come. Little licks through the cloth. Just damn hot.
And I absolutely love this done on me – to feel your mouth on my panties (don’t go for the clit just yet though!) – let your tongue and fingers explore down the sides, little brushes and strokes, little teases and tastes. Absolutely sublime.
So yeah, now that I have myself so completely turned on – I think it is time for me to end this piece and perhaps practice on myself a bit. Sweet slow sensual touch – taking my time, drawing out the pleasure, savoring the sensations. So beautiful.
Oooo – that reminds me! This is an excellent thing to practice with yourself. We tend to be so goal-oriented when we self-pleasure.
It is so lovely to experiment with slowing down with ourselves, taking our time, seeing if we can take our pleasure to new heights, discover new ways to touch ourselves and enjoy our bodies.
Yes – wow – I have totally inspired myself here. On that lovely note, I bid you all adieu. Please excuse me while I go slip into some sexy little silky panties and see how long I can tease myself into ecstasy. 5-Minute Challenge anybody?! 10 minutes, 15 minutes, 20 minutes – how long would you like to spend hanging out on the edge of heaven?
Sending so much love to you on your sensual journey! So grateful to be able to share my thoughts and musings with you all.