Hello my lovelies. I’ve missed you. Been meaning to write for a while but life keeps getting in the way. I wanted to follow up and share about the session I had with the sex and intimacy coach. I gotta tell you, I’ve only met with her once and already it has been pretty life changing – in a deliciously sensual way. Actually, more like in a really fucking HOT way. Wow. My last blog post was titled communication is sexy and, damn, was that an understatement.
Amazing what a few tiny little words can do. Words like could you do that a little harder please...?
It turned a very lovely encounter into a mind-blowing experience of deep connection and intense pleasure. I was fortunate enough to have a date scheduled with a special friend the day after my session with Stella so I was able to test out my new skills and put her amazing advice to work right away. Any expectations were far exceeded and my friend and I were very soon singing Stella’s praises – and then he offered to pay for my next session with her! Ha! We were both clearly quite moved!
Stella and I covered a number of topics but a few things especially stood out to me that I wanted to share with you. It is kind of funny now that I think about it, but
I have previously subscribed to the idea that talking might 'ruin the mood' which I most definitely don’t want to do, so I would often refrain from interrupting the moment and would instead rely on body language to communicate.
Stella very clearly pointed out that the lack of communication and not getting all the pleasure I want is what is going to ruin the mood. Wow. Duh. So true! And it was so obvious once she put it like that. So I wanted to learn a few ways to say what I would like – and I was especially interested in learning how I might move things in a different direction without framing it in the negative. Meaning that I don’t want to say “don’t do that” or “that doesn’t really feel good to me” as it feels like it puts a certain energy out there that doesn’t feel good to me either. I would rather focus on the positive rather than the negative. You know what I mean? Feels so much sexier to me. Nobody wants to hear they are doing something wrong and that definitely can ruin the mood and get us lost up in our heads, which is most certainly not where we want to be!
Stella, agreeing with my concerns, totally understood where I was coming from and was prepared with some great advice. She offered up a few phrases that completely resonated with me and with the energy I want to bring to my connections. They may come in handy for you as well:
“Let me show you how I like to be touched…”
Everybody has a way they like to be touched and everybody is different. It is crazy for us to expect each other to intuit what we want or like. This is a great way to show the other person what you like and what kind of touch turns you on the most. Loving this!
“You know what would feel really good right now?”
Again, framed in a totally positive way and very inviting and straight to the point. Takes the guesswork out of it and ensures you are going to get just what you want – without waiting for the other person to figure it out or hoping they figure it out based on body language, which may not be enough.
And this one is my favorite – this is something that you ask yourself internally – you know like when you’re laying back receiving beautiful pleasure and you’re feeling like it could very easily be taken to an even higher level of intensity with just the slightest alteration – “What would make this even better?”
This is what I asked myself the day after my session with Stella as
I was lying back on my bed surrounded by luscious pillows deliciously receiving my lover's sweet sensual wet tongue between my legs
and feeling like it wouldn’t take much to send me into absolute ecstasy – what would make this even better? “Mmmm…could you do that a little harder please?” I usually love a lighter touch, but felt like I wanted more today, and fuck – was I right. Oh my Goddess. Everything got kicked into the next gear and then into the next dimension as we both got swept up in this deliciously intoxicating energy. It is mind-boggling what a little confidence and few words can do.
I have no idea where I got shy along the way (actually, not too difficult to surmise having grown up in our shame-inducing and passive society!) or why we tend to have such a difficult time telling each other what we want (again with that shame and rejection thing!), but that seems to be a common theme and I know I am not alone here, which is precisely why I am sharing this with you all –
as mortifying as this is to the part of my ego that wants you to think that I have it all together and have total confidence in the bedroom and in expressing what I want.
I wish so much that was true (and maybe soon it will be!), but I’m not exactly there yet. It makes me sad that so many of us are so fearful of expressing our desires to each other – fear of shame and judgment and criticism – and rejection. It is an unfortunate place that we have found ourselves in. I hope that my sharing my journey helps us all to know we’re not alone in this.
I see others out there who seem so comfortable in expressing themselves and that makes me want to judge myself and wish I were in a different place – I envy their freedom and what seems like complete abandon. And it feels intimidating to me. I also know enough about people to know that I have absolutely no idea where they are truly at and that my view of them is likely very skewed. We all have our issues and things that we are working with. We tend to think everybody else has it all figured out when that just could not be any further from the truth. So I will keep that in mind and ease up on myself and have more compassion for where I am at on my journey. And besides – it is turning out to be quite a glorious exploration to share this with all of you.
I’ve experienced deeper connection and much more intense pleasure since starting this blog and opening up to all of you, which is precisely what tends to happen when we can step outside of our egos and start getting real with each other – just letting it all hang out. That is when true intimacy happens between us.
I can’t hardly thank you enough for walking this intensely sexy sensual and juicy path with me. I adore the conversations and explorations this has started with you all. I love what you’ve been sharing with me about your own sensual journeys and I love the deepening connection with you. That is so worth the awkwardness and fear that I am moving through as I reach towards the depth and intensity of passion and connection with you that I crave from the very core of my sensual being.
I have so much more to share! Stay tuned – and I see Stella again this coming week for my
second session. We have only just begun!